llth June, 1936.
CHINNA KISTNA RAJASAHEB
BAHADUR, B.A., LL.B., Saraswath
aged about 50, Interior of India, says:
I look upon Sri Sai Baba as the Creator,
Preserver and Destroyer. I did so before his mahasamadhi in 1918 and I do so
now. To me, he is not gone. He is, even now.
To me, he had no limitations. Of course, when he
was with us, there was the fleshy tabernacle. That was prominently brought to
our notice at times. But mostly the infinite aspect of His was what remained
before me. I thought of him as a mental or spiritual image, in
which the finite blended very perfectly - yet allowing the
finite to appear before us at times. Now that the body has been cast off, the
infinite alone remains, as 'Sai Baba'.
I am not after metaphysics and philosophical conundrums. Sai Baba occasionally talked in mystic language and used parables
freely - which however, were constructed in widely different ways by
different listeners. Once he talked to me in the mystic way and asked me
whether I understood him. I said 'No'. Others were present then. After they
left, I told him that I did not grasp mystic utterances and that if he intended
that I should grasp anything he should speak to me in plain terms. After that
he spoke to me only in plain words and not in parables.
A short account of myself is necessary to show
how I came to Sai Baba and how he filled my life and became my all in all.
Our family God is Durga - Santa Durga of Goa - a Bhadra form and
not a Rudra form. I used to worship her and pray that she might ever keep me
happy. Later when I was about eight years old, I had my sacred thread
initiation and leamt my Goyotri and Sondhyo, These I had regard for.
I was thus naturally led on from Durga to
another form of
God. i.e., Narayana or Vishnu. Vishnu as pictured in
"Dhruva - Narayana" made a deep impression on me, and I constantly
meditated on that picture. When I concentrated or tried to concentrate on
Vishnu, Dhruva's figure frequently obtruded and so I cut off that portion of
the picture and continued my meditation. I made a
special appeal that in that blank space in the picture, (i.e., in that vacancy)
Vishnu should place me. I had even as a boy practiced Asana
and Pranayama. I could pass one or two hours sitting in Padmasana
or Siddhasana and concentrate for at least fifteen minutes, a single picture
holding the entire field of my attention. I did all this without a
Guru. I succeeded in Pranayama also to some
extent. In this way my meditation on Vishnu or Narayana
was fairly intense. This continued till my twenty-first year. Then
(i.e., 1910) one day, I was either sleeping and had dreams or I had trance
visions - I cannot say what they were. But the following three
experiences I had in the course of one night.
As I was in the lying posture on my bed, I felt
a change. I was perceiving that the body lay separate and I was disengaged from
it - disconnected or unconnected. I was different from the body; and in front
of me stood the figure of Vishnu Narayana. This ended; and about an hour later,
a second incident followed. Again my body lay there on the bed. I was outside
it. Sri Vishnu Narayana was standing before me. And by his side stood another
figure. Sri Vishnu addressed me and pointing to the other figure said This Sai
Baba of Shirdhi, is your man; you must resort to him".
The third incident or vision followed soon after
- after about the same interval perhaps. I felt I was moving in some strange
way. It was like levitation in the air. I came or was carried thus to a
village. I found some one there and asked him what village that was. He said it
was Shirdi, I asked him, "Is there any person named 'Sai Baba' here?"
"Yes" he answered, "come and see". I was taken to the
mosque. There I saw Sai Baba. He was seated with legs outstretched. I went and
reverently placed my head on his feet. He got up and said "Do you take my
darshan? I am your debtor, I must take your darshan," and
he placed his head on my feet. Then we parted.
These visions impressed me
greatly. Before that time I had a picture of Sai
Baba in the usual seated posture , and I knew nothing more
about him. I did not then know that Baba often sat with
both legs outstretched. Some time later I started on my first visit to Baba and Shirdi, and tried to
verify my visions and to see if Sai Baba was my destined sole Guru as indicated
in them.
When I went to Sri Baba at the mosque, there were many others with
him. I went and prostrated, placing my head on his
feet. He then said "What! Do you worship a
man?" At once I retreated some distance and
sat. I felt the rebuff very keenly. I had, it
is true, my scholastic notions that men should not be worshiped; and thought Sai
Baba was hitting at me for going to him, with such notions lingering in my
head. Between two stools I was coming to the ground. My scholastic idea of not worshiping any human being
had been undermined and practically sacrificed; but I had not been accepted as
a devotee by the Guru as I expected - from my visions. I felt deeply
mortified and continued to sit for some hours. Then all had cleared
of, leaving Baba alone on the floor of the mosque. That was in the afternoon.
It was believed that none should go to Baba at that time, lest any serious harm
should be inflicted as a penalty for the intrusion. But in my state
of mind, such harm did not deter me. The main or single hope with which I had
gone to Shirdi seemed to be blasted. What more was there
to fear? He might beat me and crack my skull. Let
him. With such ideas, I went nearer and nearer to the
place where Baba sat. While I was some yards off, Baba gently beckoned to me to
approach him. Thus encouraged I went and placed my head on his
feet. He at once hugged me, bade me sit close to him, and thus
addressed me. "You are my child. When others i.e.
strangers are in the company, we keep the children of. My
apparent rejection or expulsion earlier in the day having been thus
satisfactorily explained, I felt the full force of his deep and intense love
for me and my heart responded to it. There was my Saviour, my Guru -
the man of my destiny, found at " ka
told me to go and put up with "Ayi". "Ramakrisha Ayi as he called
her. I went up. Ever since that date, up to
, end of her life, whenever I went to
Shirdi. Ayi's was my residence. And except to go to Sai Baba, I
would never leave Ayi's residence while I was at Shiridi.
Ayi was a noble and affectionate person - an
"Ayi" or mother indeed. She was from the very first
treated by me as my mother and she loved me as if I was her son. She
used to get a roti (bread) from Baba as prasad - on
which alone she was living; and Baba used to send her an additional roti for
me, Sometimes the extra roti received at Ayi's
would indicate to her that I was on the way to Shirdi and would soon arrive.
Ayi's devotion to Sai Baba was very intense and passionate. She lived
only for Sai Baba, and her delight was to carry out everything that he
wanted or was needed for his samasthan, i.e., institution and
devotees. I find that Baba's instruction and help to me came
through Ayi, in a peculiar way. Ayi was so open hearted and kind that from the
first day I could confide all my views and plans to her; and she revealed her
ideas and plans to me. As for religious progress, she said
that we should so act that no other persons should guess what we were doing and
how we were getting on. Secrecy is essential for
the success or perfect fruition of spirtual effort. This was, of course, Baba's
practice and precept.*
As for religious excercise, Ayi was an excellent singer with a
divinely charming voice and a good knowledge of music. She could play on the
Sitar also. I had a good ear for music and I easily attained manolaya[1]. I
was rapt in the music when I listened to it. But as we went on, one day we
talked about what form our religious excercise should take. Songs and hymns
were good in their way, but they attracted attention of the outside public too
much, and were not in any case sufficient for our onward course. Then we agreed
thatJapa was the proper step for us. What particular name should be
used by us for Japa was the important question. She said that many used the
name of Vittal. Ram etc., but that so fas as she was concerned, "Sai"
was her God and that name was sufficient for her. while I might go on with the
name of Vittal. etc., if I chose. I replied that I had not
seen Vittal: and what was good for her was good for me, and that I also would
go on taking Sal's name. So we sat on, facing each other
and repeating to ourselves our chosen (guru God's) name -
for about an hour. Later in the day, Sai Baba sent for me and
asked me what I had been doing in the morning. "Japa"
I said "Of what name?" he asked. "Of my God" I replied.
"What is your God?" was Sai Baba's next query. I
simply replied, "You know it," and he smiled and said "That
is righ”. Thus this Japa was really the Japa that
he expressly approved and had perhaps silently started
through Ayi - unperceived by either Ayi or myself. Japa being the Sadhana
approved of (in my case), the question may be put - what is the Sadhya or
goal that Sai Baba approved of - as the goal of life? What should a
man aim at and reach as the end of his life? Just as the
Sadhana was indirectly started by Baba, the Sadhya or goal, also was indirectly
revealed; it was patent from all he said and did. It was through
love, to reach God, (in any form, especially inthe
beloved
Jorm of the loving Guru) and Intensely, nay
passionately, to love him. This is
what we did and what he made us to do, i.e., what he enabled or drew us to do
by his own intense and wonderful love for us.
Some may set a great store by Sakshatkara or
revelation in physical form of the object of worship, as the be-all and
end-all of all religion. But I do not. As I intently meditated on Baba, I
had Baba's vision at the meditation. I, however, treated that
appearance as a matter of secondary or minor importance. I did not want Baba to
be outside of me. I said to Baba that I wanted him to come in and be
me. What I mean by "me" is this. The self (i.e., T) is
compounded of two substances - one the gross body and the other, the finer or
subtler. In the finer, we have the baser element or part, and the nobler or
higher. Our self, God Vittal and other entities are all the reflections of the
Real; and so I should rise up to be Vittal or Sai; Vittal or Sai should come
into me and take the place of my higher part. That is what I wanted to arrive
at - and so was not satisfied with seeing Sai Baba as external to me in my
meditation or contemplation.
I have not regularly studied even Gita up to
this time. I did not care for spirtual study in my earlier days either; and so
I do not go into much detail on the question of the exact description of the
further stages or final stage of meditation. One Guru-poornima day, numerous devotees came to Sai Baba, and as
usual, placed a book before him so that he might return it with his Asirvada or
blessing for them to study it with profit and benefit. Sai Baba, however, took
up a book brought by one man and gave it to another, as he often does. On that
occassion every one had a book in hand, except myself. Baba then looked at me
and said pointing to the books:- "In these books, they want to find God
Brahma. There is however, ‘Bhrama’, i.e. whirl, confusion or delusion in these
books. You are alright. Do not read books but keep me
in your heart If you unify (or harmonise) head and heart, that is
enough." So I have not been indulging in any regular study of religious
books. I content myself with what has led me so far; (and with what has been
achieved). Some of my experiences bear upon the question what I should do. Though
I have been intensely loving Sri Sai, I have not been able at times to do as
good service to Baba as others do.
It was probably in 1912 that I went up to Shirdi
on some festive occasion (Guru Poornima?) I saw the devotees at Manmad having
each a grand basket with flower garlands etc. I was much pained to note that I
had forgotten to take a flower garland when I was going to my Guru, who was
every thing to me. We all went to Shirdi and at the mosque, I found-Baba was
under a great weight of flower garlands and it pained me again that I had not a
garland to give him. Baba lifted up a bundle of the garlands with his hand and
said "All these are yours". How kind of Baba! What
love was his to me! all forgiving, all forgetting love.
About the same year 1912, I had taken Rs.100
with me to Shirdi in my poket. Sai Baba asked me for dakshina '(Rs.40). I
readily gave it. A little later he asked for another 40 rupees and that too was
given with equal readiness and joy. Finally he asked me for the remaining 20
and that also I gave him. I was happy to give him all that - though I was left
without a pie in the result. Then again Baba sent for me and asked me for
dakshina. I said I had nothing to give. Then he suggested that I should go and
get money from some others. I agreed but told Baba that if he should indicate
whom I was to go to, I would gladly go and ask him. Baba said "Go to
Shama". I went to Mr.Madhav Rao Deshpande (Shama) and told him what took
place and asked him for money. He replied that I had not understood Baba right.
"Does Baba care a rap for your rupees?" he said. "No, what he
wants is your mind and heart, your time and soul to be devoted to him. That is
his meaning". I went back to Baba and reported what Shama had said. Then
Baba smiled and said, "Go to Dixit and ask him". I went to Mr. Dixit
and told him of what Baba had bidden me to do. He then replied that Baba's
direction to me had to be understood in the circumstances as a lesson to me
that I should not feel absence of money or the begging for money or for
anything else to be a humiliation, and that I should not esteem myself to be
above begging. I went back and reported Dixit's reply to Baba. He smiled and
then asked me to go to Nana Saheb Chandorkar and ask him for a loan. I went to
Khandoba's temple where Nana Saheb Chandorkar was reading some religious books
with the learned K.Upasani Sastri. I went and told Nana Saheb all that had
occured and Baba's order that I should approach him for money. Nana Saheb at
once showed his worldly wisdom. He said that he knew how delicate the situation
was when Baba asked fordakshina and there was nothing to be given
to him to satisfy him and that I should learn his plans and was. "Whenever
I go to Shirdi". he said. "I start with a certain sum, and leave a
half at Kopergaon, i.e., on this occassion I came with Rs.200 out of which I
have left Rs.100 at Kopergaon and come down to Shirdi with only Rs.100. It is
very painful to say 'No' when Baba asks for money. So I go on giving dakshina out
of the stock In hand to Baba and when it is exhausted, I send for the reserve
at Kopergaon. You must act like this". I went back to Baba and then told
him what Nana said. While I sat there. Baba sent for Nana and asked him for
dakshina Rs.40. He paid it and went away. Again he sent for him and asked for
Rs.40 more. That was paid and again Nana was sent for and the last amount was
paid up and at once he sent some one to Kopergoan for his reserve fund. Then
Baba at once wanted more. Nana felt humiliated at having to say 'No' as there was
no time for the Kopergaon reserve to arrive. The lesson that then taught to
him, to me, and to all was that it was presumption on the part
of any one to think that he himself was the great Providence supplying the
needs of Baba, or that any one could supply all that Baba might ask for. Thus
Baba showed me how differently the demand for dakshina was interpreted by
devotees. The real explanation of Baba's demand in this case was not what
Shama. Dixit or Nana said it was. It was evidently to teach lessons to me, Nana
etc. Baba really cared nothing for money or for presents. What he really wanted
was, love - deep, intense, passionate, wholehearted love. To give him that was
my aim. He knew it and read it in my heart and responded to It - as only he
could respond.
It was probably in 1915 Ramanavami, when
intending to go to Shirdi, I went into the Indore cloth bazar to fix upon a
present - worthy of being presented to Baba. I found a fine lace embroidered
muslin of the Dacca type, produced at Chander. It was some 5 feet square with
embroidered body and 8 or 9 inches of lace border all round. It was very nice
and worth the 85 rupees I paid for it. It could be folded into 6" x
6" x 1" packet. I took it with me to Shirdi and kept it inside my
shirt. Devotees usually go and present Baba with cloth in order that the same
may be returned to them with Baba's blessings; and the same is returned to
them. In my case, I had made up my mind that if Baba cared for my love (which
knew no difference between him and me) he should not return the same to me but
should retain It and wear it. When each devotee went and presented his cloth,
it would be openly bestowed and placed on Baba and then at the end, the
attendants would call out, "Whose is this" and return it. In order to
avoid the return, I had taken my tiny packet and when I bowed to Baba, I slyly
shoved the packet under his mattress (gadi). When all clothes were taken and
returned, none noticed what was beneath the gadi. Baba the got up and said
"Clear off all that lies on the gadi and dust it". When the mattress
was removed, there was the muslin packet. Baba picked it up and said
"Hallo, What is this? Muslin!" and spread it out and said "I
am not going to return this. This is mine". He then put it round
his body and said to me "Don't I look nice in this?" I was immensely
happy as his loving heart had fulfilled my request for the acceptance and
retention of the present - as an index of the fact that I was not different
from him - that / and he were one. I was not different from
him. I and he were really one.
Our unity was expressly granted, in another way
and at another time by Baba - about the same year.
I had gone to Shirdi and was staving as'usual at
Ayi's. In the afternoon, when Baba was alone, he sent some one to fetch me and
after dismissing the messenger from his presence, he was very kind to me, made
me sit close to him, embraced me, and said The key of my treasury
is now placed in your hands. Ask anything you want e.g., Rs.5
or Rs. 100 a month-or what you like and I will give it to
you". I felt at once that this was a temptation-and declined to ask for
anything. Sai Baba knew what was necessary, good or useful for me and it was
for him to decide and give or withhold. It was not for me to ask. Seeing my
disinclination to ask, he held me by the chin and coaxed me into asking him for
something. Then I asked, "Is it agreed Baba, that you will grant anything
I ask for ?" "Yes" was his answer. Then Baba," I replied,
"I want this. In this and in any future birth
that may befall on me you should never part from me. You should always be
with me." And he patted me joyously and said, "Yes I
shall be with you, inside you, and outside you, whatever you may be or
do." I was supremely happy. I feel that he is always with me.
At times, he visibly shows his form to reassure me or guide me.
Many years later, I lost a child in a building which had numerous
occupants. My wife was greatly depressed and started weeping. I assured her
that Baba did only what was good for us and had taken away that child and so we
should not weep and attract a crowd. I asked her to sleep till morn-ing-when
the funeral would take place. She could not bear the sight of the corpse, and
so I took it on myself and she went to lie down. Then when I had the corpse on
my lap. Baba appeared to me, took me out and said "Do youwant me or the
dead child? Choose. You cannot have both. If you want me to revive the
child, I will; but then you will have me no more with you. If you do not want
revival you will have many children in due course." I had no hesitation in
telling him that I wanted him. "Then do not grieve" he
said and vanished. It is thus he encourages me when the occasion needs it, even
by his presence. All my needs are met by Baba's grace. I do not trouble
him with prayers Jor my worldly gains or
support. I have my income and property and insurance and I am content
with the provision for the present and future. If any need arises, I find that
somehow the money comes up. I have nothing to complain of. Finally if I am asked
what I would suggest to one who wished to find out how he (not having met Sai
Baba in the flesh) could make himself a devotee of Sai Baba and get his help my
answer will be that he should sit wholeheartedly and try
to pour his heart in love to Sai Baba. It is not essential
that he should go to Shirdi for that purpose-though Shirdi associations are undoubtedly
helpful. All that he should do is to transcend the senses and concentrate with
love on Sai Baba. He would surely reach and obtain the help of Sai Baba - to
obtain all that he is fit to achieve or receive.
Baba does not prescribe one uniform spiritual
exercise or practice for all. He suits himself to the stage, circumstances and
conditions of each-"If you are a Rama Bhakta, keep to Rama. If you want
only Allah, keep to Allah," is His advice. He is always impartial.
Sometimes he pronounced or got some to pronounce 'fatiah' over Hindu offerings
also. There was-as a rule-no sharp distinction or antagonism between Hindus,
devotion to him, and Mahommedans' devotion to him. There were, however, some
exceptions. One I will mention.There were two "Rohillas" about 1916
who came to Shirdi and became devoted to Sai Baba. The elder one was constantly
with Baba and used to read the Koran, at night especially, sitting at the feet
of Baba. He declared that Baba was paygambar (i.e.,God) and showed him great
reverence. At times he said that Baba (Though he was Paygambar) was still
teaching heterodox doctrine. Baba's allowing the din of noon-day Arati with its
music in the mosque, allowing himself to be worshipped as God there, ard
partaking of food offered to idols were heterodox; and this Rohilla mentioned
his objections to Baba. But Baba only smiled and said "All
that(l.e.,other Gods) is Allah" This was one of Baba's moods. In
some moods, he would say "We are all the creations of God 'Allah*. In
other moods he would say I am God." This, of course, was
extreme heterodoxy in this Rohilla's view. So this Rohilla one day declared
that, although Sal Baba was Paygambar, yet his doctrine was wrong and so he
(the Rohilla) would make short work of him and his Doctrine. One day. as Sai
Baba was going out walking, the Rohilla came up from behind, with a stout club
in his right hand and reached striking distance. Baba turned towards him and
touching or seizing his left wrist cast a glance at him beneath which the poor
Rohilla cowered and sank like a lump of lead,-powerless to lift his club or
even to lift himself. Baba left him there and went away. Later the man had to
be raised up with some one's help. In a few days the man took leave of Baba and
left Shirdi for good-never to return.
The other Rohilla was not intolerant but was
rendre-ing humble service in the Samasthan. As for intolerance, that was not confined to
this Muslim devotee. There were some Hindu devotees who exhibited this
feature. But Baba invariably discountenanced it, in every case. It is neither necessary nor possible nor desirable to narrate all
the experiences I had with Baba or in reference to Baba. Baba's Kindness and
provision for my welfare knew no limits. His methods of help
were various and depended on the nature of the devotee concerned and the
attendant circumstances. In my case I had experience of all forms of his help.
The first method of help is this : (1) When we are in difficulties or when
Baba wants us to take a particular course, the inspiration comes to us that,
that course should be adopted and we have also the feeling that the inspiration
comes from Baba. If I am wanted at a very extraordinary time to go
to Baba for private and solitary communion the call within is enough to
indicate it. This first method relates to Inspirations when we
are awake. (2) The second method is to
give the suggestion or indication or
idea, in dreams, or trances - sometimes through Baba's
personal appearance. This, of course, is the most impressive and unmistakable
method. (3) A third method is whereBaba directs us to go to
to some third person for a solution or
hint. Sometimes it happens that the third person is
totally unfit even to understand the difficulty or the solution.Yet the
solution is given by that man without knowing what the problem
is and what the solution Is and how he is benefitting us. He is a mere peg to
hang the solution on. Baba has helped me in all these and other ways-and given
me valuable training alike when he was in the body and, after he left it. I
regard Sri Sai Baba as the same spirit as Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa and one
instance of the help he has given me recently-through this perception of
identity may be mentioned.
Some eight years back I went to Dakshineswar to
see the places and things of interest. I got the service of a local man to act
as my cicerone and he showed me the Kali figure that Paramahamsa worshipped and
other images. I looked at Kali standing outside the worship room and passed on.
I was anxious to see the tiny image of Ramlal that sported as a living boy with
Paramahamsa, and told my guide to show me Ramlal. He took me to one of the
temples and showed me a huge image and said This is Ramlal." I said It
could not be. The man replied that he as the local man should know and that I,
as a stranger, could not possibly be better informed. I had to apologise and I
wondered what to think of the 'Ramlal’, I had read about him in Paramahamsa's
life. Just at this juncture, a pujari of these temples came
and inquired if I was from Deccan. I replied I was. Then he said he would show
me round Kali and every other image at close quarters and with full details. I
said I had just seen them. Then he insisted on my visiting them again. He did
not want any money from me. The reason for his persistant request was that he
had been instructed in a dream overnight that a devotee from Deccan would be
coming on the following day and that he was to take him to all the images and
help him to worship them. Thus assured, I followed him. He took me inside the
Garbhagriha, the holy of holies of Kali and said I was free to touch the image
and worship as I liked. Next he said that he would show me Ramlal. I said I had
been shown a huge figure as Ramlal by my guide. The pyjari rated
my cicerone for deceiving me and then took up the tiny image of Ramlal that
Paramahamsa had played with and placed it on my lap. Thus all my expectations
were fulfilled beyond measure-all through the grace of Sai who Is no other
-than Ramakrishna.
The great favour Salnath had conferred on me by
taking me so close to him and loving me and by my loving him had Its
reflections In the way in which some eminent living saints treated me,
Madhava Nath Maharaj often seen at Poona and elsewhere (who passed away a month or two back) was seen by me in 1927.
Maharaj without being told of me, spotted out my connection with Sai and said I
was Sai Baba's man. He narrated to me the exact words that passed between me
and Baba at our first interview; and he added that he was then present,-i.e.,
of course In invisible spirit form, or as Sai Baba.
OM SAI RAM!
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